memories

{ January 11, 2009 @ 11:17 am } · { Uncategorized }
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so I realized that I forgot to add new entries on here for a while =p sorry about that.

ive been kinda busy.

I think it might have been the fact that I have been happy. the only reason why I write is because I am upset or I have issues to work through…..

I guess I havent really had a hard time in a while @.@

tonight was difficult for me. I had an amazing time with my wonderful boyfriend :) we saw twilight and drank monsters! ^.^ and we got to really talk about stuff and our future while snuggling! yet after some thing tonight, Ive had to deal with some issues.

see, ive had this problem for a while. I gave it up and started eating after summer. but tonight I felt this temptation to go back to it =p I was reminded of stuff in my past. little things that I never want to think about came up. after all of that, I went threw playing it in my mind over and over and over. I cant do that to myself anymore.

i just….=[ idk. i wanted to come back to wordpress because its a good place to put what i think out there. idk. i need to make michael my wordpress tho. its only fair to him. so imma stop writing for a while and talk to my love instead =] theres so much he should know =( i just… im scared. im so scared =(

 

goodbye for now wordpress.

 

 

crying out of fear

{ November 7, 2008 @ 9:37 am } · { Uncategorized }
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haha okay my birthday was fun [........]

the guy that i texted a few days ago…sent me a happy birthday text =) you have no idea how happy that made me =) and then i got on aim. i told him what happened with the whole crying out of being suprised thing haha i’ll get to that later lol but yeah. i hate looking at my phone every sec to see if i get a text =[ it sucks. i thought the guy is supposed to feel that way=1 not me! ...but i was so happy that he said hi =] i was all….christie! christie! he texted me!!!!!! haha yeahhhh…. im pathetic =( i really like him…

on to what happened last night for the count down to my bday last night…

I get an email that stumps me…=[ ha "death by deitz" as michael put it xD lol I was thinking that this email was just something that I couldn't get. and....=( I make guys think dirty thoughts. I hate myself for that =[ I thought I was doing it on purpose for so long and now that im trying not to, its still happening and its not like a dirty thought and thats it. i found out last night that....things....happen to guys when they think bad stuffs =[ so he said that he was going to cut me out for a bit and I understood. he doesnt need to be around someone like me =p  I took the end of the email like..........think about it! and it wasn't anything like that at all.

so I was reading this.....in a pitch dark room...at two in the morning because i couldnt sleep. i felt horrible =[

so i'm sitting in the dark.

{ note the fact that I had just watched http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsL_5bovozE }

I was obviously freaked out hah so now back to me in the dark all by myself.....looking at the computer, making me blind to the rest of the room.

all of the sudden.........................HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! and then I look and theres nothing there. o_O!!!!

so I cried. really hard! =[ haha and my poor little sister was all like.......are you laughing? then she was all........are you okay? haha. I was sooo scared you have no idea! o_O! i'm so not joking! =1

I told my older sister kayte about this haha she was like.......so when you're faced with the most horrifying fear, you sit there and cry?

haha I guess that was true =[ I just sat there......waiting for the monsters to eat me [...........] wow that was ahha……..enlightening to say the least.

so hah that was my birthday [....] yep ha thats all i’ve got hahahahah

went out for sushi ^_^ I <3 sushi :) hahaha they always say a way to a guys heart is through food……ha I dont think I could ever turn down an offer to get sushi lol

ahha so yeah……….that and watching law and order……

thats the end to my birthday :)

 

goodnight :)

trying so hard but eventually I will fail.

{ November 5, 2008 @ 4:09 am } · { Uncategorized }
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its a known fact. last night was a good example of that.

I was sitting downstairs…..had just finished the last post and was walking over to the door to grab my people style watch magazine. haha then I noticed that on the bench next to the door there was…..oh yess! cigarettes…o_O!

ugg….my dad must have set them by the door after getting back from work >_< I quickly walked away. haha found myself pacing back and forth downstairs. this was at like three in the morning :P so what did I do to stay away from that addiction? ….I held on to another to keep my mind off of it. ate all of the food I could get and then I was stuck in this place where I could be a compusive eater and get fat. or I could erase this whole thing and go to bed. so I went to bed with an empty stomach >_< mmm…….

and now that its the next day…..I fell into that again :P  hmm…I went a full three weeks without random eating problems but then I screwed it all up because I wanted something else that I was addicted to =[ and now I see myself falling back into this problem quickly. I need to tell someone…..

I mean, I have people that I can call when I feel like I could fall back into stuffs….but it was like four in the morning and I cant mess up someone else’s school/work because I need someone to talk to =1

I called a friend today that has had the same problem and now shes getting over it :) turns out that over the summer…..my older sisters were worried about me because I was dangerously thin ahha and I didn’t see this. in fact, that was a point in time where I was feeling the worst and the ugliest :P i’ve always told myself that I wanted to be 105 and then i’d be pretty…but I could never get to it. so I was unhappy. I got down to 107…not as low as I wanted but whatevs =1

so I thought that if I was dangerously thin I would be happy haha but then I find out that I got there and I didn’t see it =[ I should have enjoyed it more.

so………..now I have alot to think about.

first off i’m telling my parents that I need help again. whats not doing anything gonna do?….ya know?

and then………take it one step at a time. =1

ha so off that lol

its my birthday tomorrow and I have no plans………….hmm………turns out that I burnt some bridges this summer. like last year I had a party. it wasn’t big but it was all of my close friends and family.

now……jake, the guy ive known since preschool, wont come over because….well…..he’s always been a goodie good and haha its his cute quark. he lost some morals and called me at like three in the morning…..thinking that I would talk about certain things on the phone with him but I said no.  I told him that and he said goodnight. then the next day I was all like……hun you must have been really horny to call me and not your girlfriend! haha and he somehow got amnesia haha he had no memory of calling me at three in the morning hahahha so………I haven’t really talked to him after that =[ he was really pisses at me =[ I guess it was like an emergency or something lol

then theres ryan haha jakes blonde best friend lol he pretty much chose jake over me. which sucked because we were pretty close friends……haha and he….takes good photos @.@

then barbie………….she came quick to judgment and it was hurtful. it doesnt really make sense because I just dont wanna talk about it  =p

and caleb wont be there because haha…….we had a falling out just before summer. he asked me to the grace prom :) and I got my dress! was sooooo excited! i’ve never been to one before. so….he backed out on me…six days before. I had already bought my dress. I even have it in my closet right now >_< and I will never use it :P so ha i’m not talking to him after that. we tried to fix it but the whole….I dont want to go with someone like you……..made friendship not work.

ahha and hannah. yess I was friends with hannah sidebotham last year xD I have no idea why…….ugg she told me that I wasn’t allowed to talk to joel because he was hers and they were going to have cute kids and have the perfect life together. she was all like……..stay out of our lives!!!! haha xDDDDDD haha seeing that I was his bestie…it kinda pissed me off that she would tell me that haha what a freak. I guess she wants like ten kids lol ………….. psycho much? haha

joel is another friend that wont see me on my birthday. we were best buds. we met when I was like twelve. seemed like a sweetie. but ended up taking advantage and then treating me like dirt =[ note to self…wrestlers are jerks =p if he wasnt kyles best friend …id never have to see him again. but seeing that they have the band. I know that im going to see him =p which means I get called names forever =[

then anya cant be there because her family took her away cuz we were too close =[

then that meant KC couldnt see me because thats anyas cousin and she was told to cut my out or cut fam out.

the list goes on =[

I think kyle was the only person that kept talking to me after lies were told. we both decided to check up on each other everyday. its helped me a lot!

I made some friends in the summer but….they weren’t really the type of friends I need now.

so…………

I’m lost.

idk what i’m doing for my birthday.

maybe i’ll…..go to the beach or something or……….see a movie lol idk

perhaps i’ll walk over and get my license lol ya never know! I might surprise you! :D  haha

so when I wake in the morning……I will be an adult ^_^ haha yay!!!!

my hairless dog! (thanks to me) haha

{ November 4, 2008 @ 8:31 am } · { Uncategorized }
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okay, so today…I was all like…..I wonder what would happen if I took a razor and shaved my dog? haha

ahahahahhahahahaha it was fun haha xD she’s me little sausage now cuz she’s ahha pudgy lol ^_^ hehehe and um other that giving my dog a bath and shaving her down…….I just sat around and wrote some new music……tried planning out my birthday hmm idk what I want to do =[

idk what to do =( i sent this guy a text... i wanted to start talking to him again. i found out that sarah didnt date him... freaking b.... =( i cant believe... idk =( now he wont text me back. idk =( maybe i was mean to him? =( i just feel icky now =( i hate myself so much.

my problem has always been "i love you" =( i had someone tell me that a little bit ago. but... it wasnt right =1 i liked him alot. i did! =( i knew him forever but...things changed. he was horrible to me and it was all because i let him treat me bad. i let him walk all over me. =[ its not going to happen again!

and as far as ily's go.....I just know that that guy is out there. he's not ready for me yet and has to deal with stuff but eventually....it will be perfect. I just know it in my heart! and I dont want to say "I love you" to everyone like it means nothing. I want to keep it to were I really mean it!

mmm....the rest of the day after that was pretty much reemphasizing the fact that I need to trust people  more in my life. i've been keeping things in the dark that could be hurting other people....all from me not saying anything. I just have to pray and try to do what god wants me to do. hmm........=[

~and~

kyle is super cool for being the good person that he is :) I was kind of depressed today. had some things to think about. but just talking to him.....you can tell that he really has a heart for god =] I wish I was that determined. makes me want to be a better person :) gives me hope =]

and lol now i’m sitting downstairs alone =[ ahha I just realized this xDDD my little sister put on SNL and I was laughing really hard to this one really creepy part haha

so…..i’m laughing and then i’m like ahha thats soooo funny! ……*no answer* haha and I was all like…….kami!?! are you there? turns out that she was totally passed out on the couch and I was watching the show all by myself o_O!  haha

so now that i’m alone………..hmm……

I think i’m gonna go to bed. i’m sleepy :)

<3

the truth shall set you free

{ November 3, 2008 @ 10:39 am } · { Uncategorized }
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[...the truth shall set you free...] haha I was thinking about my life and how I had left the ones close to me out of it. Im just scared that i’ll be judged and looked down on for my choices. so I keep everything inside. =[

today church was enjoyable! I ran into some people but the problems have recently stopped :) and big hugs make the day all better ^_^ I love my patrick and ashton :D

after that, I went to best buy lol ^_^ its fun! haha.....and then back home to change my myspace "about me''.

then after that.......I grabbed the tylenol =[

okay so for the last two weeks my last wisdom tooth has been coming in and it hurts to the point were i'm laying in bed.....wishing that I could just pass out =[ yess.....it hurts that bad! >_<

I need.........hmm......I dont know what would make me feel better at this point =1

it just sucks.

after the tylenol kicked in and I was feeling a bit better I got on my phone and sent a few emails. not much lol totally boring and well thats my life =1

god has defiantly taken care of me throughout my life! I see now how much i've been through! =[

going completely blind lol not all that fun! and not good when you're in public school >_<

dealing with almost no immune system for a while and not being able to go out as much as I wanted to :P

random problems, horrible people, big mistakes and addictions.................life.......ugg I have had it rough! and wow maybe I have to do something or go through something so difficult that I needed all of this crap to get me ready for it.

~

I just pray that god helps me to let go of my addictions and fears so i'm able to give everything to him. then maybe I can be someone that people look up to as a good example. =]

~

well, its two thirty in the morning and i’m off to bed :)

nightie night

the day after halloween (four days till my 18th birthday!)

{ November 2, 2008 @ 5:43 am } · { Uncategorized }
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well….this morning I woke up on the couch lol

for halloween I sat around and watched scary movies……..and thats pretty much it ^_^ today I was all like….hey I didn’t get any candy =[ but I need to look at it as a blessing! do I really need candy? ......no! its just really yummy haha

like other temptations, it tastes sooooo good and not having it seems impossible. but life without candy is way more healthy and just better for me later in life :) and if you cut it out...eventually it wont be as much of a burden.

ahha so I was up really late watching the freakiest movies ever! ahhahaha

then after woke up...I got a call from me lovely jessy ^_^

I love her sooooo much <3

we've been having to deal with james......and he's just a jerk to me. I know I know I should try my very hardest to love everyone! but he is just so mean to me =[ it hurts.  ugg..........stalker was mad cuz wouldn't go out with him so he treats me like dirt. and now that he has moved on to one of me besties.......its just awkward lol us running away hahahahaha fun fun xD but she has her parents to tell him to stay away!

I didn't have that because I thought I could deal with him on my own. same with andrew the zambonie driver. I never told my parents why I couldn't go to the rink anymore.  I mean.....what would I say?

mom....dad......sorry to wake you at two in the morning but......theres a guy sitting outside in his car...doing stuff to thoughts of me close by =(  this was after I told him that I was giving up guys and that I needed him to respect that.

not a good way to deal with it. so I just stopped taking his calls. and eventually he stopped a couple weeks ago. didn't go to my parents when I probably should have =1 so jessy's smart! I need to learn from her.

so.....back to talking to jessy on the phone :) haha I found out that I was invited to a football game and the after party for halloween that was apparently awesome =[ kinda sad that I missed out....but next year next year fer sure haha ^_^

then we talked a bit about haha stuff and then I had to get off to check out magic mountain ticket prices!

YAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!

okay, you have no idea how excited I am to go!!! i've been begging since.......may lol so it didn't take all that long ahha but I finally get to go on rollercoasters!!!! :D DDD cant wait till friday! ahh!!! I bought the ticket on the internet for friday already ^_^ I AM READY!!! :D

now I am tired because I did like all of these crazy sit-ups >_< my muscles hurt :P but hey! thats kinda the point lol so i'm all good :)

and and and.............my birthday is in four freaking days! ahha! I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do for my birthday and really....I dont want to do anything big. I have this family thing and i'm good with just that =] idk haha maybe i’ll go clubing with k.c or……..something ;) lol that would be fun ^_^ I want to do that. so yeah………….I’ll be good :) it’ll work out ^_^ haha

and… i decided to talk to this guy again. not telling sarah tho.. not yet anyway. she just got over him i guess and it would be hard for me to like him after her? i miss talking to him tho. =[ we talked for so long after this football game. i just.. ive never had anyone think im worth talking to like that. idk. i like everything about him! =) i just need to find a way to get my thoughts off text and into words when i see him in person =( i was so quiet.... that never happenes... =( maybe more energy drinks will help =1 maybe =[

you know whats weird?

...i'm so tired that I cant really keep my eyes open and its only ten thirty at night lol I should go to bed =] get some sleep for tomorrow cuz I need it! haha church [....] mall……college group……..late night out in the valley…….yeah i’m gonna need sleep haha

and the song totally stuck in my head right now because I figured in out on guitar is……….

wicked game by bassboosa

No I don’t wanna fall in love
[This love is only gonna break your heart
No I don't wanna fall in love
[This love is only gonna break your heart]
With you

Nobody loves no one

————————————–

its soooooo good!!!! gah! stuck in my head all day. xDDD

…….goodnight lovelies :D

Mandy <3

its been about a week haha

{ November 1, 2008 @ 10:07 am } · { Uncategorized }
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I left for camp….it was fun….hahahaha vague much? lol

lets see, we drove there in our motorhome lol pretty much slept the entire way so I have no idea how long of a drive it was lol probably around…..eight hours :P haha I checked my phone right before I lost signal to get a haha message telling me that I was a fat panda lol and a sad message from joel telling me that he didnt want to talk to a slut anymore then signal cut off :P so I was all like…….okay =[ and....yeah....sad day.

so we finally made it up the crazy hill and parked the rv. then found out that the power wasn't working haha so we had no heater [.....] o_O! and it was cold lol we hung out at the gym most of the time. mostly with kim and joel(not the jerk one in simi). one thing about little joel is that haha he likes to hit….a lot! haha and his punches hurt! then haha of course the speaker at the camp had to bring bags and bags of rubberbands to sell to the kids lol that helped me and my bruises xDDD so now I have all of these little lines everywhere haha thanks to him and sweet sam randomly walking up and smacking me close range ahha

so after a while of hanging out with the little kid haha I ended up treating him like me little brother xD because…..he looks exactly like my nephews ahha since patrick and ashton are like my little brothers that I see like every day……….joel fell into that category haha this was not good because he has a crush on me lol and it made it worse this year. it got to the point where i’d go off with with someone and he would go around and ask everyone where mandy went until he found me aahahhaha by the end…….I felt a little squashed. I was talking to a friend about haha boy stuff and I didn’t need him listening so we went in the bathroom to haha talk lol then after like ten minutes someone walked in and asked us why my little brother was haha sitting outside the door on the floor lol so we did what sounded the most fun and climed out of the little bathroom window hahaha but it was two stories high so hanging and grasping onto the side of the roof lol looked kinda funny lol then after that we walked around….talked :) went up to the cave about a mile up this hill behind the cafeteria ^_^ that was fun. haha it was homeschool camp! so the cave was empty lol

I realized something though.  I know that the person i’ll end up with……..is out there. ha i might even know him already! but.. what if im a jerk to him? @.@ what if i push him away because i think hes like everyone else? what if i mess things up all because im stupid? =( I know myself.  i’ll mess it up. i’ll be the cat lady that picked her best friend over someone she really liked @.@

this is something I was thinking about as I was talking to christina. she’s getting married as soon as she turns eighteen.

as my aunt susie always told me……..”guys are like dogs. you pick the best of the litter and be happy”. i want more tho =(

off that……

so…now i’m back from camp and I missed me anya and jessy haha leaving them killed me =[ but hey! who can have fun with me out of town? lol okay, don’t answer that. haha

jeez I havent seen anya……… in a month =[

=[ I miss her =[ so very much. =[

so….anyway…..mall with jessy! yay! haha I havent seen her in FOREVER!!!! =[ its been like a week. o_O! how did that happen? oh yeah! camp happened >_< haha

and tonight……the shining was CREEPY!!!! gah! haha

I was all like….thats one old movie! it cant be THAT scary :)

but………….red rum freaked me out o.O!

ahha so on that note………ima go to bed ^_^

nightie night <3

crazy crazy crazy!!! haha

{ October 27, 2008 @ 8:54 am } · { Uncategorized }
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okay where do I start? ha

first off…….I was up pretty late recording some songs for my music page. ahh that got kinda late without me thinking lol …….and then I was like….i’ll get up for church! I can do it ^_^ I mean…I look forward to it every week xDDD so I have incentive lol

you can see how that worked out being as that I wasn’t there lol I slept in till noon. way to fail! =1 then I relaxed around the house………..got my new and haha “working” google phone :D  ….went out to look at costumes for halloween because i’m not allowed to wear the one I have =//its a little sluttyish lol just a little…………idk maybe not the best thing for a church =[ so I was looking for for something less legs and cleavage xD and woah! the dude that stands by the front of the door at the halloween store........scares me o_O! we walked in and he was all like.......

"HI!!!!! whats your name? I love your shirt! does it say something....dark and creepy?"

I guess you have to be a little odd to work in a place like that ahha so no shocker there xD and I found the most amazing outfit!!!!! gah! but when I pointed out the cute little bow peep costume and my mom lol saw the one next to it xDDD okay to explain the costume.....i'm just going to tell you the name of it and maybe you'l get the picture ahhahha It was 'lil bow peep show' aahhahahahhahahahha not for a church event ^_^ ahaha........then we left with no costumes >_< I need one soooo bad! you have no idea.

anyways haha after that whole incident and my mom immediately telling my dad that he couldn't get me a strippers outfit xDDD omg omg omg lol I love them so dearly for looking out for me <3

haha but I was the one looking for something more modest! not to find a costume with Velcro lining so I could get out of it in an "emergency" xDDD

that would be pretty cool for regular clothes though! aha

like jeans.............tops...........ahahahha.....a bra with a velcro back just in case that special someone is incompetent lol "the clasp is just too hard!" ahha ^_^ seriously though. I want that "modest bow peep outfit" for halloween.

mmm...after getting home and hanging with my two favorite boys in the whole wide world :D .....we left for the game and guess what! ...........WE WON!!!!! gah! amazingness right there ^_^

i'm feeling a bit of a hint from a couple of the guys on the team that they like me =// its really awkward......cuz my brother's on the team too!......and my dad lol

after freezing cold [even past the point where cuddling didn't stop the shivering....ha yeah I know xD wimpy lol but it was REALLY cold] we left to pick up kami from a party :) haha really I dont remember any details at this point because I was too busy in the car…..getting info on what I had missed in that like two days without a phone xDDD you would never guess in your wildest dreams o_O!

then……..I was off to the valley :) my mom is the sweetest person to drive me there and then come to pick me up :D I am truly lucky [even though I don't portray that enough]. so I got there…..met up with emm,chels…….ya know haha but then I realized something. I kinda ditched them =/ idk what happened…..it was like I randomly went off and said hi to other people. haha well……I dont really care to talk about guys ALL that much and thats kinda what happened in our conversation. if you know me so well that you laughed at the fact that I left when guys came up………..you have another thing to learn about me. :) haha let me rephrase what I said before. I dont like talking about guys that I dont know and will never meet. it has no point. and yes…….I like guys haha there I said it lol geez, I feel like i’m in AA or something ahah i’m a guyaholic lol oh yeah! thats a word! xDDD but really this has been a problem for me. if you look at my close friends…….they are mostly guys. seriously! its something that I need to work on because i’n the past, i’ve blocked out friendships with a lot of girls =1 idk why…….=/

I mean…..i’ve got me sarah, kc, anya, emm and chels but thats pretty much it on close girl friends. I need to open myself up to new possibilities :) so today I went around and said hi to everyone in the group. haha I dont really remember all of the names xD but I can try ^_^ isn’t that the point? :D

so I met this guy………………….^_^

okay okay haha you dont want me to be vague?

lets see…….I was sitting with this dude that ahah might have had the funniest pick up line that I had ever heard lol so I talked to him xD it was entertaining at first but then he pulled out the……..”did it hurt? when you fell from heaven” line aha omg that was……wow

and then I ran into sean. the guy that I was being vague about lol I had noticed him across the room for a bit because earlier he had thrown a napkin at me lol so yeah ahah

then he saved me from that “did it hurt?” dude and pulled my attention away to say…………as a completely serious adult lol……….”the names rivas…………..sean rivas” ………wow lol I was like ahha and he thought I didn’t get it so he explained that it was like james bond lol and hahahahhaha his poor sister was all like oh great xD ahah I started talking to her because of her little brother lol

then we walked around and introduced ourselves to anyone that didn’t know us haha

and and and guess what I found out! haha a new trick that guys use! i’m so gullible xDD I was all like…..ok! :D haha but………ryan haha omg another ryan xD kami watch out! its another one to keep track of lol lol lol but yeah haha he came up to me like…washing his hands with sanitizer and then he was all like….”hey! we haven’t met! i’d shake your hand but I have sanitizer on them =[ but do you like huggs???"

haha after all of this and julia pointing out that, that was clever.....I looked back on all of the times that this has happened to me........not with sanitizer but with other things lol

I AM REALLY GULLIBLE!!!!!!!

ha dont even make me tell you the whole..........."did you know that its a scientific fact that your iq is above 140 if you can lick your elbow? ". hahahaha and yess....I tried it. xDDD and no I couldn't lick my elbow haha but it made me look like I was close to a high iq fer sure! LOL!!!

anyways ha back to what I was saying about tonight :D I loved it! and i'm making this a new thing now! I even got invited to a party!!! ya

oh and someone asked me if I was 20 freaking years old!!!!!! :D DDDDDDDDDD  then I was like.......nooo i'm seventeen aha he thought I was a year older then him lol poor sean looking for an older girl and he finds out that he's been hitting on someone underage ahhahahaha you should have seen the shock on his face! haha he was all......noooooo......you look so much older! hah now that i think about it........maybe he was being sarcastic lol I couldn't tell

well now that i've had a fantastic day and i'm feeling older lol i'm gonna go to bed :)

me needs sleep haha and..........yeah i've got to stop before I start making no sense xD

so goodnight =]

love,

mandy <3

May you find some comfort here

{ October 26, 2008 @ 6:00 am } · { Uncategorized }
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Spend all your time waitin

For that second chance

For a break that would make it okay

There’s always one reason

To feel not good enough

And its hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction

Oh beautiful release

Memory seeps from my veins

Let me be empty

And weightless and maybe

Ill find some peace tonight 

~

i’ve found comfort in this song today :)  

it was haha to say the least [.......CRAZY!!!!] haha I woke up to find out that I had to leave the house in five minutes xD but I had no make up from having it all soaked in dr pepperlol so yeah that sucked :P  

I then left for my little nephews birthday party ^_^ okay I feel so old now haah he’s EIGHT!!!! like…..what? haha its just sooooooo weird for me idk. I mean…….I had already dated emmett keegan and patrick keane by that age lol it wasn’t passed  holding hands……but STILL!!! thats weird to think that he’s at that age [.......] its been freaking me out. he just gets everything o_O! its scaring me =//  the other day after this football game, I met this guy and im not allowed to like him. which kinda makes it weird between me and the pushy friend cuz I like him a bit too much =p maybe not talking to him will help me. idk =[ life is confusing. so after that football game when I was texting him, my little nephew asked me if I was dating him xD I was like....nope haha thats just my really good friend and he's a dork haha so pat asked me……..how to ask this girl out that he really likes [........]  he came up to me like…………..”mandy, you date alot of guys………how did they ask you out?” ahha xD

after talking to my little nephew about dating lol  I realized something haha …..he had noticed that (in my life) I date alot of guys o_O! ha it made me think about some stuffs. even though i’ve never really gone out on a date…… I was setting an example for my little nephew about how you should date and I had no clue that he was watching. =/  I need to make sure that i’m living for god more than for what I want because in the end……..thats what really matters.  thats  all that matters actually.  geez, patrick is so grown up now. freaking me out. I cant say that enough. ^_^ hahaha

anyways lol I got to talk to some people at the party that I havent seen in like FOREVER! :D  and of course the……”college” topic came up =[ 

"what are you going to do for your future????" 

my problem is that for high school i've always loved to cook. I like haha food xDDD not to eat too much! but I love to make stuffs.  so I was all set out for cordon bleu culinary school but after some thought and things suddenly changing in my life, i've just lost my appetite for that kind of profession......=1

 I am really.....lost in what I want to do. I think i'm just going to go to moorpark and get a backing on my education first. I need this because even though i've passed the exit exam and everything required for high school........I really dont feel good enough for anything =// and thats not good.  so i'm gonna take some hard classes and push myself as far as I can go. then I will decide on what I want to do with the rest of my life. :)  

after all of this ahah I went to the batting cages to practice for the game tomorrow. ugg I suck sooooo bad o_O! if practice makes perfect............eventually i'll be "ok" haha :)  

and then ...............hanging out with me christie at simi high for this band thing lol I was all like um.....okay i'll go xDDD it was really fun! haha energy drinks lol i'm still a.......bit jittery from that xD   "you can have one! just dont tell mom I gave it to you!" haha 

ahahahaah and xD racing across the mall parking lot ahha okay! so I was all like........I bet I can beat you to the car from here!!! and I ended up doing that aha but I also ended up slipping and running into the car lol lol lol omg aha that was embarrassing haha but!! I won!!! D so it was all worth it. even the skinned knee >_<  i'm tough though ) haha you BETTER believe it! 

...what else happened today? 

[............] 

OH!!!!! I got a new phone! my parents and little sister went to the tmobile store while I was gone and surprised me with a google phone :D DDD  THATS RIGHT!!!!! but I cant use it =[ all because of this stupid dude that sold me the phone. he used a pocket knife to “clean” the memory card o_O!?!?!?!?!?! what the hell? and my mom was all like…..I guess this is a normal thing. it doesn’t work………BIG DUH!!! ugg i’m phone-less when I shouldn’t be lol 

so that was my day lol not too crazy xDDDD

I think i’m gonna go to bed early tonight because i’m like really excited about this game ^_^ yay! and…….kinda scared o_O!  hmm….okay well, I am off to clean my room xD 

 <3

……first off haha

{ October 25, 2008 @ 5:47 am } · { Uncategorized }
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I thought maybe writing in a blog instead of adding to a draft in my email would be a better idea in the long run of things lol and then I thought, hey! why not have an open blog for all to see? ha

i’ve got nothing to hide xDDDD [........]

anyways………haha today was an interesting one! 

to help you understand why I was so tired………I was up until the sun came up the night before and then I was woken up with only four hours sleep haha 

why you ask? …..the reason was that I had a fight the night before on the phone with a friend that I never in my wildest dreams thought they would tell me who to like :P yet thats what happened. so I had cried my last tears for the night and it was only like ten.  I bought a movie (the strangers)…….I thought it would creep me out enough to where I could hopefully loose all of my guilt from what had happened. but how is this better? haha …………..its not! xD I just wanted something different to think about other than drama. its too depressing at the moment to let myself get involved too deep. after everything that happened with joel and him treating me like dirt, I need to keep good friends and thats all. its easier not to be treated badly if you keep it clean. I cant take that =[ 

 

so..................I watched the scary movie o_O!  ended up sitting in my room in complete darkness..........hugging the closest stuffed animal as tight as I possibly could lol 

.....now you see why I couldn't sleep? haha

so back to today ^_^! my mom woke me up telling me that it was ten xD I was sooooo thrilled about that! you have NO idea! haha 

then got dressed and picked up me jessy <3 I love her dearly :) her mom.......dislikes me though =p i dont know why....=[ shes like super bossy and I feel as if I have to listen to her =[ I hate being pushed around and being taken advantage of. yet that seems to be my life =1 I hate that. 

and next stop was the park haha I didn't think about how stalker james was going to be there :P that was a fault on my part =/ we got out of the car and he immediately walked toward us o_O! I dont want to get into the many and infamous reasons of why I dislike this sad boy so much but lets leave it at..........I dont care for him. anyway.......we walked around the park with him following us the entire time >_< then we ran to get away but that didn't help [........] the scary part about this guy is that he pulls his knife out when he gets mad……..and today he kept flinging it out towards me……o.O that dude just scares the crap out of me. homeschoolers =( and I hate pocket knifes =[ I never want them around me. 

so we lost him eventually haha and then lol (someone) lol poured dr. pepper in my purse xDDDD i'm not pointing any fingers or anything ahha but..........IT WAS ALL KAMI'S FAULT !!!!!!  lol 

no, ha I love my baby sister :) it wasn't really anyone causing the bottle to explode in my purse and soak my phone and jessy's camera =/ 

lol [most embarrassing part of the day...] either me sitting on the ground. blowing……on my phone lol to get it to work and finding out that my shorts were too short for this quick action to save my phone xDDDDD 

or maybe it was everyone finding out that I keep a picture with me thats………………”weird” as someone put it lol 

okay, I admit it without shame that I keep a nail file that has a cover of a very sexy/almost naked guy on it!! ahahaha but I dont pull it out for everyone in the homeschool group to see! usually…….ahaha so that was a bit awkward [........] idk why though.

I mean………it would be weird if I didnt like that kinda thing! so nothing really embarrassing there :D  

*phew*!!!! :)  

and and and then after that……haha trying to call my phone lol 

no luck lol well maybe the first time but then it started to act all retarded xD

now me gets a google phone! haha omg o_O!! what a bummer lol 

wow.

I am so tired from today. you have no idea >_< gah haha I think I’m off for bed   

no more scary movies all by myself though! i’ll just drag someone along to watch it with me :D haha

 

tootles ~ mandy <3

 

 

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